maybe, just maybe, we should've waited those 2-3 years before we got to know each other. maybe you would've really known your father, and i would've really known myself. and maybe, just maybe, we would've found someone better in that time.

so you know, we wouldn't have been such a burden to each other.

♥ 5:38 PM

I think I'm bleeding but no one sees it so I'm not.

I will not be with you. And we know it'll be alright. That's why none of us held on. But I'm bleeding. Somehow. It's bleeding.

I hope that thoughts of what might have been are prayers for dawns dipping our foreheads onto the earth, afternoons arming us with Remembrance, and dusks driving us to His warmth. I hope that trusting His judgement is a sign we're closing in onto our purpose, that I realise what's important, that you find what you're looking for. I hope that the journey that roped us here will be freeing ourselves from our ignorance, from my past, from your choices.

I hope that we will be alright. And we already are. Really. At least, you are.

♥ 12:21 AM

i don't know how to write in happiness.

sad words flow, not better, but easier, because they are desperate to be put somewhere outside of such a fragile shell. they know it'd break, so they break out. they're not better, for none of them ever are any good. inside or out. but yes, they're easier because they need to be.

but the shell seems to not feel happiness too strongly. or the shell hasn't filled itself with enough happiness to express it. or really, it has never learnt to be happy and never learnt the words for happiness.

but then you're running away from the simple truth. that your shell never is desperate in happiness. in happiness shell you're too immersed and content that you think you don't have to spill. that you don't need your tools to preserve yourself. that you're infallible enough you want to keep it all to yourself. within that shell. but shell see happiness fades and warmth chills into reality. why don't you see this why.

but shell, when that happens why do you not come back. why do you close your own eyes with your hands feebly curled tight. why do you run the run that's not for you and fall into that well of walls and unyous.

why do you convince yourself of convictions from untruths. unfused unfuel unto you now an unshakeable fool.


so you've lost it. you've lost something before you've even acquired it. good on you.

♥ 12:18 AM