♥ 2:52 PM

Siapalah aku. Legit question, siapalah aku.
How am I here, Why, for What.
Ignore it, they say. Not worth it, you're stronger than this, you're strong so strong that's why you're tested this way.
I am thankful for the kind reminders, I truly am.

but deep inside I have long shattered into tiny pieces of tiny hearts that are too tiny
too too tiny to take this in.
scattered shards of scarred hearts and His words yet to be carved on
each little parts different levels of cuts and cards that
are needed to be punched hard
or soft for it to cross into
the surface down deep down into
the dearth that is untied and scrambled
and consuming obtuse so it protrudes and distributes
further into all depths of all cells and organelles
and so they recreate into a maze of unarmed shells
scanty skimpy waiting to be annihilated and burn
burn and burn.
it burns.

♥ 1:45 PM

"The truth is ruthless. Toothless but fanged.
Two-faced bruteness. Roofless in the rain.
The crude taste of sane. A suitcase full of pain.
The truth is truthless. A moot case of blame."
- Lesson 4, Tablo's Words

♥ 12:41 PM

I am so tired. Just let me be, please. Let's just do this for the sake of Allah and be professional and do this. Not think of petty things. I am so tired. Too tired.

I never wished for a me like this. I had dreams of a perfect dress wrapped in a box taken out whenever it's yearned for but never. Never out.

Idk anymore. Idk a lot of things. But now idek what this is.

♥ 11:20 AM

Tired of making mistakes? So do you want to stop doing, and start ignoring? Is that what you want?

♥ 12:42 AM

My heart feels like it's being wrenched out, wrung dry, and left hollow. It feels like it's slowly painted red on black on red using a scratched record of regrets and remorse. Of sins and wrongdoings. Of ill-feelings and unfeelings. Helpless. Uncontainable.

They tell you to tell and not bottle it up but they tell you to not tell but tell only Him. They tell you to feel and let go but they tell you to uncork confront and correct because well, Him.

My heart feels like a bag of sand. I wish the wind would blow away dirty grains of dirty deeds. I wish the beads would wash into luminescent pearls of Devotion. I wish His words could be spelled and  etched and remain. Never leaving. But my heart feels like a bag of sand coarse and muddled slowly hardening shaping into shifts of fleeting good long periods of bad and longer times of confusion. How long until it's completely punched and pebbled into blackblueblack concrete? When it is irreversible, when it is forever damaged.

My heart feels terrible.

♥ 4:02 PM