It feels like I'm always treading on deep water when I'm around them; a tiny drop of splash may produce a gentle ring of waves. Or it would be that one shot of uncocked bullet diving far into the depths of the ocean. Whether it's lodged onto the sandy dunes for long or disintegrates in a flash all comes down to their interpretation. And their interpretation scares me.

Fearleas, I am slowly unbecoming of you.

I hate being stupid. But I was, I was being very stupid. And now I'll actually really be stupid on paper.

Thanks self.

Reduce me to a fault,
Darkened ashes,
Never lighted,
Not once ignited,
A flame once warm now refusing to stop burning
You
And itself,
Unpurported poise is poison when the edges
crack and crackle
Singeing someone unintended
Or was it
Created chance to correct a corrupted core.
Cool, you say
But an impression of an imprint of clay
Formed formerly
Is harder to wash away.
So the blaze grazes its own skin paving
scars scathing
bones and curved cheeks no more.
I am a flame,
One inundated with blame,
Guilty cries and choked up sighs are denied for I,
I am a flame.

A flame can't breathe oxygen or
It will die it
can't feel emotions or
it will tear up the skies and
lives lives lives no
it has to be controlled curbed and contained into a tiny shoebox
but hey I'm willing so why is it still not happening.

Raze away the pain
With another kind of pain
Physical pain so deliberate in its impact
so strategic in its strikes it hurts you to the core
you wont feel no more coz I'm so tired of feeling
so tired of this hunger for approval from Above
and above and
down below.

Where do I stand when my legs are too weak to bear this weight
how do I breathe when inhaling means taking in external beings and
they hurt you you lick your lips
chapped and crisp
yearning to satiate the unknown the unexpectedly complicated so
simple to everyone
but
you ofc.

I am reduced to a fault. Or maybe I have always been
at fault. A fault.
Faulty.

I am faulty. Please
forgive me.

I have a conclusion. I think I've known this for quite a while. Don't know why it took so long for me to come to terms with this. But yeah.

I'm a bad person.