I say I don't judge, but I did. I say I don't want to talk bad about others, but I did. I say I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again, but I did.

What do you tell your hypocritical self in order to reconciliate your feelings, to obtain peace within. What do you do when you know you're at fault and nothing can retract your unintentional bullets, all shot and painful.

You feel a suffocating so powerful, a tightness in your chest clenching cold the core of your heart, a phantom pain breaking you into bleeding pieces. You feel it so intensely you consider actually cutting yourself, any form of relief would do. Help me, you say. You don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to feel anymore.

You are at a standstill. One move can scratch and scath. So you stop trying, you keep it to yourself and find that pillow to cry on at 2AM, muffling your choppy breathing and cries and dark thoughts and absorbing your tears and sorrow and regret all into that pure white pillow, not for long, soon no longer.

Come out stronger. You can, can you?