I have this self-destructing tendency of recalling only the worst memories among the bajillion stored in my mind. It puts me in total discomfort. Total in a way that it coats my heart with a layer of emptiness and guilt, for things far beyond my control, far beyond my apprehension. Swallowed whole, easing myself out of this seems almost impossible. My limbs are bound by an encroaching rope, where efforts put forth and struggles fought can't work their magic. I am an agitated kid, my rational being threatened by a small slip up in the past, by some petty little flintiness that was never meant to be directed towards anyone. This feeling consumes me, eats me up cruelly like I ever intended any of it. The disparity between my sense of triumph fleetingly rewarding me after a long hard day and the dark coming nights have me trapped in a corner so narrow it suffocates all things good in me. I fall into a well of depression, useless and unneeded. I yield myself to you, but you don't see that the evil has fledged outside of its captivity, that a bigger net was needed to salvage me from my intangible crushing.

I feel tired. For in whatever I do, there will be faults. And only those are heavily underscored.

♥ 11:26 PM