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of rushed words and hushed thirsts
mellowman

the wave, the surge

Some call it love and some call it sex.
opposites.
Call it what you want, but with one touch and you’re gone, so call in sick.
Human politics, from whispered hushes and distant crushes.
Mental fits breakin’ pencil tips and
inkin’ brushes.
Simple rushes.
God makes man and this is the devil's finishing touches.
- Butterfly Effect -

alfresco

beat, rhythm
questions, answers

movements



brief traces

August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
March 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
November 2011
January 2012
May 2012
July 2012
February 2013
March 2013
May 2013
June 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
September 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
June 2015
July 2015
December 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
August 2016
September 2016
January 2017
February 2017
April 2017
June 2017
October 2017
December 2017
January 2018
June 2018
July 2018
January 2019
March 2019
April 2019
June 2019
November 2019
November 2020
December 2020
March 2021
July 2021
November 2022
December 2024
January 2025

Thursday, July 19, 2012

losing isn't really the best feeling in the world but it wasn't the worst that i felt. after pouring so much of my energy, toiling over something i initially didn't care about, and completing it with the help of everyone, i thought i'd be satisfied. really, really satisfied. and i am, i do feel satisfied, relieved, happy. but why does my heart feel so empty? devoid of any real emotions, the hole that's slowly growing in my chest overshadows everything that i'd worked so hard for. there's this shelter in my heart, a shelter that lukewarm emotions can't really tread under. for maybe i am that fragile, or maybe i am just that emotionless. a robot hungry to feel but can't seem to register any of the emotions, true or not true.

i wanted to play the Yes or No game. can i? i can't. because i played it by myself and when i did i went and asked myself questions that i'd been wondering. it didn't work though, i lost on the first round to myself when i couldn't even provide a clear yes or no for a question i really wanted to answer. 

if i'm fooling myself, then how many people am i fooling at the same time?





8:52 PM


Friday, July 13, 2012

i've come to realize that what i do to others is the determining point of how i'd feel for the day, and most probably, my whole life. i'd been thinking about myself, my life, and my ways. but the talk today gave me a clear cut answer of who i am and where i want to stand as a person. i want to try my best to be that person, and i'm slowly changing. reminding myself to be nice, to be pleasing, and still retain who i am at the same time. this may sound menial, but it is a resolution i must tend to. i don't have anyone to confide in, and it saddens me because that means no one really knows me. or maybe i'm just a sad person.

my ego is huge and my head is sometimes so inflated i'm probably as narcissistic as that guy in front of me *coughcough*. so i need a pin or a needle to poke my ass and tell me to drop it and be you but not that bad side of you you weirdo. but not a lot of people has been doing that to me. thus, i am here. attempting to poke myself with whatever i can find. it's a shame evil me isn't gonna last, but it can't last. so here goes, 

i'm poking you.

pokepokepokepoke.


9:35 PM