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of rushed words and hushed thirsts
mellowman

the wave, the surge

Some call it love and some call it sex.
opposites.
Call it what you want, but with one touch and you’re gone, so call in sick.
Human politics, from whispered hushes and distant crushes.
Mental fits breakin’ pencil tips and
inkin’ brushes.
Simple rushes.
God makes man and this is the devil's finishing touches.
- Butterfly Effect -

alfresco

beat, rhythm
questions, answers

movements



brief traces

August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
March 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
November 2011
January 2012
May 2012
July 2012
February 2013
March 2013
May 2013
June 2013
November 2013
December 2013
January 2014
February 2014
March 2014
April 2014
May 2014
June 2014
July 2014
August 2014
September 2014
October 2014
November 2014
December 2014
February 2015
March 2015
April 2015
June 2015
July 2015
December 2015
January 2016
February 2016
March 2016
April 2016
May 2016
August 2016
September 2016
January 2017
February 2017
April 2017
June 2017
October 2017
December 2017
January 2018
June 2018
July 2018
January 2019
March 2019
April 2019
June 2019
November 2019
November 2020
December 2020
March 2021
July 2021
November 2022
December 2024
January 2025

Thursday, November 25, 2010


I wish I had superpowers.
Then people might think I'm special, that I'm something more.
I could save the day, be relevant, feel needed, feel triumphant.
I could taste something other than failure.

Although,
judging from my personality, I would most likely end up having invisibility as my superpower.
It sounds cool enough, being invisible.

But would it make me any different than before?

I guess it wouldn't.


10:56 PM


Monday, November 22, 2010

i get attached to those who are nice to me so easily, it's ridiculous. i wonder if other people think of me the same way as i think of them, as a friend who'll always be there, as someone who'll always greet me and comfort me. i know i'm asking too much of someone. too much of anyone. but it hurts to not have someone like this.

the thing is though, i do have these people. i've met these people through twitter, through livejournal etc. and they care. well, at least i think they do. they show it too, how much they care. it's just sometimes when they're not there, i want more. sometimes, they are there, but they don't pay attention to me. it eats me inside to be honest.

i hate being selfish, i hate being self-centered. i give so much to people and i expect the same from them. no, it's not worldly materials, it's emotion. i take my time to inquire about their day, how they're doing, what they're thinking. can't i get the same?

yeah teenage angst need to fuck off.


2:45 AM


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I never enjoy teen angst. It's overrated, cliched,
and it depresses me.

I feel like the world is against me, that I am constantly ignored and left out, that I don't deserve this and that. It feels like I'm the only one in this world who ever thinks about me because others are caught up in their own world, in their own circle of life. Included or not, I don't feel like I am.

The awkward turtle that I am screams out to people,
hey, look at me, ask me how I feel.
But people don't, they never do, so why do I do it anyway?
So I shut up, I don't tell, I never tell, because I'm egoistical like that. And probably embarrassed for this foolish phase that I'm going through.

I feel pathetic for it. I feel queasy because every time this occurs to me, my heart clenches and I feel like dying. Die, I tell myself, die, no one would notice.

But it comforts me that I realize how untrue that last statement is. It gives me a small ease of mind that I still have my head on while I suffer this phase of mine. That I will eventually get out of.

For now, I'll be depressed and crying
and probably be giving the finger to everyone.


4:58 PM