Having a few people suggesting for me to start up a blog about my life has finally come to fruition as I embark on this solo journey. Distress, pressure, fun-filled times, judgmental thoughts, foolish opinions, butthurt bitterness, and all the not-so-hassle-free teenagery that weighs down a 15 year-old, all brimmed to the top; I will treat this blog as a release, an outlet, for these bare matters. So, welcome to my humane receptacle.

For the day, the one thing that spurred me to start a blog is due to a confirmation of our situation.
I resent the fact that our education system leans heavily on memorizing instead of strong understanding of a subject. I resent the fact that agreeing with the textbook/teacher and quietly doing our work is what we call our studying process. What happened to critical thinking? What happened to voicing out our own opinion? What happened to debating with facts and reasoning our doubts? Oh wait, that never quite existed in Malaysia.

It all happened today when we were doing some papers given by the teacher. Geography paper. We came across a question that asked for the correct term for:
i) mortgaging our valuables
ii) monetary loan
So one of the choices was pawn and even though the other choices didn't fit the description at all (insurance, stocks, forward market), I still couldn't agree with my friends that pawn was the right answer because pawn is different in a way that it's a kind of deposit to procure repayment or debt. So we asked the teacher and he said the answer was definitely pawn because it has the same concept as mortgage. Okay, fine, I agree. But when I wanted to ask more about this (I guess with my excited srs bzns face on), my friends were all, dude chill, we got the answer, don't try to ~debate~ it. I have to admit I was a bit pissed because anything that comes across as questioning the facts would be labeled as my trying to debate.

I don't blame my friends, nor am I pissed or feel stupid. In fact, I feel sad. Sad because people are contented to get answers, not reasons. Sad because people are quick to agree with views seen superior. Sad because people don't ask why, only what. And most of all, I'm sad because I fall into one of those people a lot more times than acceptable.

Well, that's that.

We're all matured people here, in more ways than we realize. So I'll just write what I want.

Right now, I want to say that getting my period during the bulan Ramadhan sucks. It cockblocks my amal ibadah. I can't do anything beneficiary during recess because I can't join my friends to perform prayers, so I'll probably engage in small talk with the other unfortunate ones, or mindlessly play with the rubix cube. Do some revising, I hear? Sorry to say but I have an attention span of an apricot so I'll probably end up doing petty stuff like counting the ants that pass me by or well, fall asleep -_- All of that eventually stops me from scoring points with Allah SWT during this holy month ;~;

I also have more work to do in the kitchen. Believing that I wont be as tired as those who are fasting, Umi will give me more tasks to do in the kitchen, be it during preparation for food or the cleaning-up stage.

The worst thing about having my period during this month? Not even being able to drink water at school even though I don't even need to fast. Oh sure, I've seen my friends hiding behind the classroom, between the tables, along the closed corridors, any place safe, drinking the mineral water they bought (legally, of course) from the teacher downstairs. But really dude, SUCH A HASSLE TO JUST DRINK A FEW GULPS OF WATER.

At home, there's not much to eat anyway so any follow-up saying I should just eat/drink at home will be totally negated. Story of my life.

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After ranting so much, I'll just leave my second attempt on writing a bunch of jumbled up words that people may or may not want to call ~poetry~.

The words fall out,
but they don't make a sound,
the clocks ticking,
time is running out.

Cold sweat breaks out,
they see the demeanor that you put up,
it's all a lie,
and it's all crumbling by.

The act is exposed,
your mask breaks,
your world shakes,
it's all just a pose.

For who you are,
all of you and your scars,
give yourself no doubt,
shout out what you're all about.

-fin-